THE LAWS OF LOVE BY BERT HELLINGER AND WHY, IF WE BREAK THEM, NOTHING GOOD IS EXPECTED IN OUR LIFE?
FIRST LAW OF LOVE - The principle of hierarchy and seniority in the system reads as follows:
Greater systemic importance have those who came before us in family:
Great-grandfather – grandfather – father – son
Great-grandmother – grandmother – mother – daughter
There is no exception to that rule! And if we think we are more important, we do not respect those who came before us, and nothing good is expected in our lives. The following rule without any exception applies here:
We should not interfere in our parent’s personal life and we should not save our parents! We are just children, and they are the adults and they can deal with the problems in life. We should concentrate on our lives and accept the fate of our parents as it is – showing respect. We are no greater than Fate or God to interfere and save them!
The following points are important here: we do not give them money, advice, we do not take sides in conflicts, because if we do, we take on the role of parents and they become children and the order is confused.
Then problems will start for both sides. We do not live with our parents and do not let them interfere with our private life too much, but why?
Our parents are our birth family. This family consists of my mother, father, me and my brothers and sisters (with all the ancestors behind us).
The present family is another separate family. It includes me and my partner as well as our children. This family includes any live and deceased children, aborted children as well as miscarried children, adopted children and children born from other marriages and relationships of one or the other partner. This family continues the genus. The mother and the father on both sides have no place in this family. If we do not set boundaries and accept the fact that our parents are just parents but not our friends or partners in our present family, this is a violation according to the Law of Hierarchy, and we shall pay our price. Here happens the so-called "entanglement" or identification with a parent or an ancestor in our lives without understanding it. In case of too much interference by our parents, at the energy level, a family constellation for removing of the entanglement is made. Children do this out of loyalty on the energy level and often take the place of a missing parent or someone excluded from the system by following the principle "Better me than you, I will follow you even in death". Meaning, we have a recurrence of diseases and repeated unfortunate events without understanding why.
THERE IS ONLY ONE EXCLUSION. IT IS ONLY IF THE PARENTS ARE SERIOUSLY ILL. THEN WE HELP, BUT WE SHOULD DO THIS WITH HIGHEST RESPECT TO THEIR FATE.
SECOND LAW OF LOVE - THE RIGHT OF BELONGING TO THE SYSTEM
No one should not be and can not be excluded from the system. Each member of the system has a specific place in it. There must be no secrets and any refusal to talk about ancestors, or of any member of the system. For example, if someone has done something bad and the members of the system are ashamed of that person – no one spokes about the person; a murder and someone is in jail; an abortion – no one wants to talk about this child just because of the pain; a birth of an extra-marital child – the parents chase away the daughter; a rape - shame of the son. This leads to consequences such as the inability to hold a partner and impossibility to have a child, cheating, etc.
Facts from the family history are important for family constellations. We just see things as they are in the system of the particular person. Family constellation is based on the facts as they are to see where the system has been broken and why (cracked by a disconnected person). These violations directly affect us, the CHILDREN in the form of diseases and anxiety.
THIRD LAW OF LOVE - THE BALANCE OF GIVE AND TAKE
This is may be the most important law!
- Giving from parents to children - It goes like this: Parents give love, protection, time, money and food unconditionally to their children until they are 18 years old. Then, children become parents and start giving the same to their children unconditionally. This is normal and natural. Children accept with love and respect all that their parents want and can give them.
- Giving by a friend to a friend in equal relation - "We give equal to have friendship". If one gives more, the friendship breaks down or the person disappears. There are no exceptions here!
- Giving from a beloved partner to the other partner, and vice versa. Here one partner gives, then the other partner gives a little more and so the relationship grows and develops. I DO NOT TALK ONLY FOR MONEY HERE AS GIVING. If one partner only gives and the other partner only takes, such relationships are doomed to failure because the relationship takes the "child-parent" model.
I BELIEVE THAT YOU UNDERSTAND THE IMPORTANCE OF THIS INFORMATION AND NOW THERE IS NO EXCUSE FOR YOU THAT YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW YOUR ACTS CREATE YOUR FUTURE AND THE FUTURE OF YOUR CHILDREN!